When people are in love, they often think a breakup would be terrible. Researchers in the United States asked university students in relationships, "How sad would you feel if you broke up?"

Then they followed the students over time. Some of them really broke up. They felt less sad than they had expected. We often forget about friends, hobbies, and other good things in life. Our hearts are stronger than we think.

Psychologists call predicting our future feelings "affective forecasting," and people often overestimate how bad and how long-lasting their negative feelings will be. A 2008 study tested this with American university students who were dating. They predicted how upset they would feel after a breakup and then reported their feelings regularly. Those who actually broke up during the study felt less distress than they had predicted.

One reason is that when we imagine a breakup, we forget about other parts of life, such as friends, club activities, and music, that help us recover. Another study of 155 students found that people who ended relationships in which they had not grown much often reported positive feelings and personal growth afterwards.

People in love sometimes feel that a breakup would be unbearable, yet research on affective forecasting suggests that such predictions are usually exaggerated. Humans tend to overestimate both the intensity and the duration of their emotional reactions to negative events, a pattern known as the impact bias. In a 2008 prospective study, American university students in relationships predicted how distressed they would be if the relationship ended and then reported their feelings at regular intervals. Among those who actually broke up, the distress they experienced was smaller than they had forecast.

Researchers suggest that when imagining a breakup, people focus narrowly on the loss and neglect the friendships, activities, and coping abilities that cushion it. A study of 155 students who had recently ended relationships also found that those whose relationships had offered little self-expansion reported rediscovering themselves and experiencing growth, although this survey was retrospective and cannot prove causation.

A further experiment showed that recalling an ex-partner's flaws reduced love feelings, while distraction improved mood. The forecasting study involved a limited sample of university students, so caution is needed. If sadness continues for a long time, talking to a trusted adult or professional is important.